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3. If you do venture outdoors on the 2-wheeled thingie, the extra fat and
workload will help you keep warm. And the bigger you are, the easier you are
for motorists to see and the keener they'll be to avoid hitting you. (Ever
seen a motorist deliberately colliding with a horse? That reticence isn't
because they're animal-lovers...)

4. As "Doc" points out, whales use their blubber to achieve a streamlined
shape. This is harder, though I think his suggestion of wrapping yourself in
clingfilm before bedtime to help mould it has merit. Just remember to visit
the toilet first and either remain on good terms with your partner or secrete
a small, retractable bladed, Stanley knife about your person before wrapping,
somewhere you can still reach it when wrapped up.

In Spring you can either attempt to lost the winter weight, or simply go for
the Team GB approach and keep building the "training load" over a four-year
Olympic cycle..!

WARNING: I am a highly-trained choc biscuit and cake eating specialist. Do
not attempt to follow the above training regime without appropriate
expertise and experience.


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